Life is hard sometimes. Sometimes just knowing time is passing--stages of life are ending--is hard. I've felt that recently, as my children grow older and we've moved homes/countries/continents. Looking at photos is bittersweet, because a desperate part of me wants to claw back that time. When my children were younger. When I was younger. When strangely and surely untruthfully, life felt much simpler. Photos turn every memory into a blissful movie montage. I know it wasn't really like that.
So we're all going through a bit of a hard time right now, a bit of a what-are-we-doing-here time. I'm trying to weather it without losing myself in a quagmire of doubts, which is my usual modus operandi. I can be the Queen of Overreaction. My husband complains about his job ONCE and I'm immediately all, 'You don't like it? Let's move! Let's go live in Borneo! Quick, I'll google real estate in Balikpapan! There's nothing for sale? Let's live in a grass hut. What an experience for the children!' Seriously. I have done that more than once. I tried to convince my husband to move to the Falkland Islands.
Fortunately my husband is exceedingly level-headed (is that an oxymoron?) He takes my wild warblings in stride and tells me to sleep on it. Generally by the next day or three I've cooled on my awesome plan slightly.
I'm getting older though and I know myself better. I have no awesome plans right now. Right now I am just waiting and weathering, and hope my children are too. And pray that when this storm of homesickness is over, we'll be smiling in the sunshine on the other side.
Labels: just life
posted by Kate Hewitt at
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Hope you all feel better soon, Kate!!
Hugs,
Sri.
Hugs, Kate. That sounds tough. But I love the going to live in a grass hut in Borneo! At least you'd be out of the wind. :-)
After her father died, Georgette Heyer lived in a grass hut for a while, and she wrote The Masqueraders there, so it can't have done her writing any harm.
All the same, I'm not sure that it's the answer to your problems. I hope things start to get better for you very soon.
Hugs to you and yours, Kate...living in a grass hut sounds like heaven to me, too, sometimes. And then I realize I'd also have no blow-dryer and like no water pressure in the shower and I'd have to do ucky things like clean fish and there's no way I could actually cook over a fire...But in theory, yes, a definite place to be!
I completely understand the longing to run off and leave all the bad behind. Except is always catches up with me. Our family is having, not a crisis per se, nothing that unhappy, but a real transition. From this moment forward, nothing will be the same for us.
Change is difficult for me. It's scary and awful and I always hate it, even when it brings good things.
Best of luck as you weather the storm. I wish you many lazy sunny afternoons.